I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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