her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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