I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
