I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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