I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
God, I missed his penis.
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