There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
