either way he was missing a nipple.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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