Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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