What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
