WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Couch. On fire.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
