You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
