omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
