I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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