i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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