Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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