Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
