No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
