I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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