I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
