i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
