Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
