My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
