Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
