Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
