I hate your face
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
