pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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