I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
