Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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