I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
