i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My pussy is not your playground.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's like iHOP with fire
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
