I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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