Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
