john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
