My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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