My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
