did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
