I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
