i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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