nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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