he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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