if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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