you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
