I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
