every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
