I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
