the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
