I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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