I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
