Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
