Barsexuality is the new black.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
