remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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