Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
