Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
