eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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