I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
